Wednesday, 17 October 2012

Game Of Love



The "Game Of Love" started with me always winning and feeling so special and lucky. Thanking God for everything He blessed me with and yet complaining for more and perfect. There were two players, me and her, playing with our own rules. The game was all about love, friendship, jealousy, trust, luck, happy times, sad moments, laughter, tears, anger, fights, planning our lives, having babies, nice home and everything we human need to be happy. We were playing good and then the game became boring and static and expected. There was no surprise element, no uncertainties or expectancy  We started complaining about rules and feelings. And then entered a third player. The game is still there playing itself quite well. Just that I am playing it all alone now. I am now trying hard to quit.
  As the days are passing by, I am trying hard to erase her pieces inside me. I keep on trying hard each day, I no more listen to sad songs, I no more read those fucking heartbreaking quotes. I no more try to make myself keep loving her. But then all of a sudden, some stupid fucking damned mild shower of sweet fragrance comes which holds the tiniest part of her sweet, heart-N-soul-winning smell and everything falls apart. This is like the movie "Looper" or even worse like "Shutter-Island", just like that I am back to where I decided to erase every piece of her. How fragile has she made me? And if she has made me this fragile, why do not she tried to take care of me? Why has she thrown me in hands of this cruel world? Whom should I complaint now when she herself being my world has abandoned me?
  And then some days when I feel like I am finally getting over her, I feel so guilty. I feel so guilty as how can I even get over her. It makes me sad to know that I will be fine without her. She for sure has loved me a lot to change me so much and my love was for sure not enough to make her realize the trueness of togetherness, the trueness of completeness, the trueness of love.
  Go, O My Dear Love, for I have learnt to limit myself, for I have convinced my heart to accept that you were not for me even though I am always for you. I have lost this game of love. You have won me but I lose to win you. This game is over now and I am paying a part of me, a part of my life for losing. God Bless You.

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